Blog
"You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story & hustle for your worthiness."
Brene Brown
Brene Brown
 So often I hear from so many clients, “Why me?”, “What’s wrong with me?” These are common questions that I hear most days. So why questions? Well the brain does love answers, so when we ask yourself these things, it will give us an answer just to please us. Though what if we could change our perception of our world by asking better quality questions?
What we focus on we feel. Yes you may have heard me say this before, and you’ll probably hear me say it again. Our brain is like a camera lens and where we point it creates the experiences we have. Where that camera lens goes is what we focus on. The quality of our questions determines the quality of our lives. So if we ask a crappy question then we’ll probably get a crappy answer. Though what if questions help us to change our focus? To point our mind in a direction that can also help us see something better, more helpful and possibly even assist us in creating a more positive mind set. So if questions are a way to direct our mind in more positive ways, then what questions should you be asking? Well that is a great question. Though before I get to that let me just share why using questions are a great way to change our inner world. They’re great as they make you search…search for an answer. We have to find something beyond what we would normally be thinking. So if that’s something negative, a power question can assist us in shifting a negative to a positive and also strengthen those positive mindset neural pathways. So here are some great questions to start asking yourself:
Start practicing asking yourself better quality questions, especially when life isn’t showing up the best. It’s a great way to start changing your mind set into something greater. If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au. Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment with one of our Clinicians today.
1 Comment
 I see a lot of couples within our practice for relationship counseling. Even if someone comes in for individual counseling, a lot of they’re challenges can often stem from within the relationship. To often I see couples when they’re in distress over the relationship and they don’t feel like they’re getting what they want from it. The usual presentation is often one of hurt, feeling misunderstood, high levels of blame and resentment.
It’s at this point that we stop giving, and start taking. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t intentional (or not usually), though most couples are just crying out for love and attention from their significant other and just not feeling it. It’s at this stage that its important to remind ourselves which Dimension of the relationship we want to be in. Dimension 1 This is where your focus is what you are getting from the relationship. Your main focus is on getting your needs met and also what you’re not getting. It’s all about you! If you are on the receiving end of this type of relationship, then you may often feel alone and that you have to sacrifice your own desires and needs in order for the relationship to exist peacefully. Dimension 2 This type of relationship is all about equality. You are both focusing on meeting your own needs as well as the needs of your partner. Though if your partner can’t meet their own needs, then to bad! This is like horse-trading…if you do this for me, then I’ll do this for you. This all might sound great…an egalitarian relationship, though the partnership may be fantastic, it can be devastating for the polarity within the relationship. Dimension 3 In a 3 dimensional relationship, you take total responsibly for how the other person feels. You believe that “your needs are my needs”. And you don’t stop until the needs of your partners are meet. This isn’t a level of which “you do your part and I’ll do mine”, its one of “I am here to take you to another level and I live to light you up and I will”. It’s in this state that the passion, the energy and the joy all come naturally. Stop asking, “What am I not getting?, but “What am I giving” and watch your relationship become truly extraordinary. If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au. Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or click here to request an appointment to start enhancing your relationship today. Just thinking about the holidays alone can be stressful, let alone dealing with family, crowds and parking. For many, the holiday season is filled with numerous extra activities, which can be difficult to fit into our already demanding schedules, so finding time for ourselves or time to regroup becomes limited. This can significantly increase our stress levels. The majority of people crave a happy, drama and stress-free holiday, which can lead to unrealistic expectations. All of this added together equals STRESS!
This may increase even more when we factor in all those extra tasks such as shopping, cleaning, cooking, dealing with traffic, long lines, and the financial stress it may bring. So how can we cope with the pressure and stress of the silly season? Mindfulness can help. Mindfulness is described as paying purposeful attention without judgement to the present moment. It is something that is easy to undertake and practice daily. Mindfulness can be undertaken while undertaking most tasks, eg such as eating, cleaning, standing in a line, etc. It assists us in managing unhelpful thoughts and to help sooth us thus reducing our level of stress. Here are some ideas on how you can reduce stress mindfully. 1. Acceptance that you will feel stress. Often when we don’t like a feeling, we struggle against it. Stress is one of those feelings and no matter how we try, we can’t avoid it. Experiencing stress isn’t a failure, it is inevitable in our lives and it is ok. 2. Cultivate awareness and self-care. We are not often aware of the thoughts in our head, so start paying attention to your thoughts and feelings. This information can help you make better decisions, especially in relation to your own self-care. If you feel tired or worried about a number of things, it can be easy to become even more worried and stressed. Being aware of your thoughts and feelings might help you notice that you need some time out, or a breath of fresh air, or some rest. Its important to notice and be aware of what is going on inside of us so we can nurture ourselves better. When we feel better on the inside, we also make better choices for ourselves. Self awareness is also a great way to notice what you do to fuel the negative coping strategies which you have been using in the past that increase your stress. 3. Gratitude. There has been a lot of hype about the importance of gratitude, though when you find things that you are grateful for, it can really change your perspective in a positive way. No matter how big or small, there is always something that we can find that we are grateful for. What you focus on you feel, so the more your focus in on what you are grateful for, the more you will feel more positive and loving no matter what the situation. 4. Become other-focused. Often we might be thinking that we are the only ones struggling financially or with family, or that you’re the only one that feels unhappy and alone. We often forget to remember that we are not the only ones who may be struggling at this time of year. Sometimes we need to get out of ourselves and stop and think of others. It’s important to have some compassion for how others may be feeling or even what they could be going through, cause do we ever really know? By having some compassion and understanding, we open ourselves up to connecting with others at a more positive level. 5. Be curious. Have you even noticed a child seeing something for the very first time? When we do, its like we are again seeing it for the first time with them. Being curious about the world around you is also a part of practicing Mindfulness. It helps us to see the world with new eyes and to examine it with care and interest. When you look through your “child like eyes” in a curious way, you notice all the sights, the sounds, the smells and textures of the world around you. Every thing is new and amazing. Tap into your senses and just pay attention. 6. Be Present The holidays can come and go as quickly as blinking at times so its important to be present and in the moment as much as possible. Often our thoughts are trying to organise things over the next few weeks, or we are thinking about things that have happened. When our thoughts are in the future or in the past, we can’t be present. By doing the steps above, you start to sit in the moment and just enjoy it for what it is. It also helps to quiet the mind, which is where all our stress comes from. Take time to savour the moment, the scents around you, and the taste of the food you’re eating. Tune into the music that you’re listening to, birds chirping in the background, and the kids laughing. Observe the colours in the sky, the shapes of the clouds above and the leaves, flowers and plants around you. While there are some things we can’t control, we can control our perceptions and how we choose to cope in a more healthy way. Instead of letting things overwhelm us, make the positive choice to engage in practices that minimise our stress and also helps us engage in the world around us. Pay attention to the present and keep finding things that you’re grateful for. Be kind to yourself and others and have a happy holiday season. |
Michelle Saluja
Psychologist Archives
November 2023
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed