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"You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story & hustle for your worthiness."
Brene Brown
Brene Brown
 Sometimes our relationships with our loved ones seem like a rocky road. We are all going to have our ups and downs. In order to keep our relationship on the right path, we need to make sure we are putting deposits into our relationship bank account on a daily basis.
Now Relationship Banking is a similar concept to regular banking. When we put money into our bank account, the numbers go up. And when we make a withdrawal, the numbers go down. So in terms of our relationship, deposits are when we are attentive, we turn towards our partner, we appreciate and nurture them. A withdrawal is the negative comments, the conflict, a lack of appreciation and empathy towards our partner. The Gottman’s research into this found that couples where happier in the long term when they turned towards their partner more consistently then those that didn’t. When couples turn towards each other, they are putting those deposits into the relationship bank account. Every time we turn towards our partner, it lets them know that we’re interested, that we care, that we’re hearing them and that we’d like to help. This starts increasing our relationship bank account we have with that person. Here are a few ways to increase your Relationship bank account with your partner.
No relationship is without its challenges, though when we start consciously working on increasing the positive feeling and connection we have in the relationship, then we’re building a healthy bank account within ourselves and our partner. If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au. Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment to start enhancing your relationship today.
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 Q: What is over thinking?
A: Over thinking is when we think about something to much and for too long. Q: Why do we over think? A: The thing is, we all do this. Over thinking is a way our brain likes to make sense of what’s happening in our world at that particular time. It’s a way to problem solve or analyze a situation. Often we end up thinking over every minute detail, which can involve worrying, personalizing or mindreading a situation in our past or our future. Q: Is over thinking good for us? A: If we’re ruminating on a situation to learn or to help us grow then no it’s not a problem. The problem comes with spending long periods of time being pre-occupied with our thoughts. Usually they’re negative and aren’t very helpful. The more we ruminate, the more it can have negative impacts on our mental health. Think of the brain this way, “Neurons that fire together, wire together”. So the more we think about something, particularly negative, the more we’re creating stronger connections in the brain, thus its easier to access. Q: So how do I stop over thinking? A: This is a great question as it’s easier said than done, though we can rewire our brain so that we create stronger positive pathways.
Over thinking can happen to us all and none of us are immune to it…it’s what makes us human. Though we can learn to manage our mind to it works for us, not against us. If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au. Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment with one of our Clinicians today.  What makes a relationship work is having things in common. This is great for when we want to feel emotionally connected. What makes a relationship passionate is having differences. Polarity within relationships helps to create an attraction between two couples. So the more opposed the energies are between two people (masculine vs. feminine energy), the stronger the attraction is within the relationship. When two people have a similar polarity, such as both are more masculine, then the attraction between the two people is reduced. Yet the attraction is maximized when one is very feminine and other very masculine. Polarity is what keeps the passion of the relationship alive and helps to increase attraction and intimacy. These energies are not based on gender as any person may identify with being more masculine or feminine. Yet this energy is something we need to cultivate for ourselves. Masculine Feminine Physical Characteristics and Energy Strong physical presence, Open, free, flowing, full of life energy centeredness, rigidity, and a feeling of sometimes more nurturing, sometimes unwavering purpose and strength more wild and free Primary Driving Force Masculine essence is primarily driven Feminine essence is moved primarily by direction in life, or by a life mission. by emotions in an intimate relationship The Feminine force is about opening to love and giving love. Focus Focused on one mode only at a time Flow: Interruption does not exist and the single task at hand. because you are in a constant state of flow. Looking for trouble: Sees a problem Looking for love: Ultimate way to and wants to fix it (even when there magnify radiance and beauty. isn't one). Goals Masculine energy seeks release from Feminine energy is based on attraction the burdens of life and relationship, and enchantment, drawing others in from the constraints of life. through opening of the heart to beauty and love. The masculine strives to break free to The feminine wants to fill up with love ultimate ecstasy and freedom. They energy and attention. The feminie wants to be empty and let go. force is about opening to love and giving love. Desires Responds to challenges, comes alive at Desires to be noticed and feel the edge, and when challenged. attractive. Loves competition to test themselves Lives in a world of sensation, the body and break through barriers. connection to the flow of elements and the natural forces. Wants to possess. Addicted to ways of filling her sensse of emptiness. Addicted to emptying himself and releasing himself into the void. Wants to feel appreciated. Wants to feel understood. Challeges Finds it easy to let go and leave. Hangs onto everything. Often leaves to soon. Often stays too long. Speaks words vs emotion. Hears primarily mood and tone. ©Robbins Research International, Inc If polarity isn’t there, then depolarization occurs. So finding ways to step further and embracing our masculine or feminine energy can have huge impacts on the intimacy of our relationship. If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au. Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment to start enhancing your relationship today.  Just wondering if you have a monkey on your back? I’m sure somewhere along the way you collected one or two (or more) monkey’s and they’ve kind of stuck with you, whether you like them or not. Well let me tell you that we are all collectors of monkeys.
It all starts when we’re born; our parents talk to us and tell us their views on the world, on us, their opinion of what’s right and wrong, a belief that they may have about something. So we see the world as being true through their eyes when we’re children. We then make friends and have relationships and they also share their thoughts, beliefs, values and rules about themselves, about us and also the world. And often somewhere along the way, we start taking on their monkeys, “This is what I think of you”, “This is my opinion on what you should do with your life”…and before you know it, you have all these monkeys that don’t belong to you! Have you ever believed what someone has said about you, to you? Well what if that wasn’t true? What if all they were doing was projecting their dreams, their values, rules, opinions and beliefs about something onto us? What if they were giving us a monkey? Well they probably are! Though as we grow and cognitively mature, we can now start to decide if we want to take on their monkey. To question whether their monkey is good for us in our world. Whether their perceptions are something that helps us to become more or is it taking something away? Well I’m here to tell you that we have taken on so many monkeys in our lifetime and we’ll probably take on many many more. Though I want you to question if someone else’s monkey is right of you. If it’s great, take the monkey on and incorporate it into your world views, though if its not…give it back!! We all think we’re doing the right thing, though what is the right thing by us? Or what is right for my monkey? It’s easy to get enmeshed into others worlds, though its important to make sure we step back and have a look at ours and decide appropriately about what’s good for us, not for someone else. On a side note, we can share our monkeys and it is completely up to the other person if they want to take it on or not. We can support others without needing to carry their monkey. At the end of the day, we are all responsible for our own monkey, but what does yours need to look like to make sure its nurtured properly? If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au. Or you can call us on 5519 3338 to request an appointment to start getting that monkey of your back today.  Any one who knows me that one of my biggest pet peeves is seeing the wrong people in leadership roles. Back in my days when working as a Psychologist for Mission Australia, I would see many clients who were unhappy within their job role…and it wasn’t because of the job. It had everything to do with management or their up line!
I still hear these stories to this day and it just upsets me to no end. Surely it’s not hard to treat people...like people? I always thought that if you treat people right, you would get so much more out of them. Or is that just the way I think? One thing I do know, is that you can’t influence someone if you don’t understand their world. How can you influence the key people in your life if you have no rapport or relationship with them? So what is a leader and what makes a good leader? 1. A leader is someone who will go there first – Great leaders will path the way ahead. They set the example and show by example. 2. Lets other people lead – a good leader will often take a step back and allow others to take the lead. They make the space for other people to shine. 3. Mastering influence – if you don't know what influences someone, then you can't influence someone. We need to understand their world, what they value, their beliefs, their desires and then and only then can we start to positively influence those around us. 4. Taking a positive perspective – we all want to be in an environment that is inspiring and positive. The more we are able to create this where ever we may be, the more people will enjoy being around us and being in that environment. 5. Allowing others to grow – if we’re not growing we’re dying (metaphorically). Everyone needs to have a place to grow. This is about making sure that everyone is fulfilled and feeling like they are in a space that allows them to become more. 6. Mastering their own psychology – leaders need to be the example not the warning. Make sure you are working on your own self from the inside out. Its about becoming the best version of yourself for yourself and others. 7. Responsibility – this is HUGE! And it can often be hard as blame can come so easy. So taking responsibly for ourselves or our outcome allows us to create the change that we want to see. We are all leaders in our own way, though maybe its time to step up and take charge in a way that is empowering not only for yourself, but for all around you. I’m sure this list could go on, though we need more leaders who are willing to lead more leaders. If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au. Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or click here to request an appointment to start empowering yourself today.  Who out there likes to make people feel good? Who is a giver? Well if you found yourself putting your hand up, you’re not alone. Too many of us grew up being told that that we should help others and show kindness. These are great qualities, though it can often lead to wondering why people often dump extra work onto you, why family just turn up and intrude without notice, and why friends take advantage of us. Well maybe its because we haven’t set our boundaries strong enough.
So what are boundaries? Boundaries are like a fence. They create a barrier between us and other people within our lives. There are a number of different types of boundaries that we can have in our lives.
How do we set stronger boundaries around people? 1. Start saying NO!! This isn’t always easy as we often say yes as we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Though if you’ve ever seen the Jim Carrey movie “Yes Man”, then you can see that saying yes can becomes overwhelming and exhausting. 2. It’s important to recognize that you don’t owe anyone your time and energy. That is yours to share as you see fit. Sometimes we may need to limit our time we give to others as this could have repercussions on our own priorities and relationships. 3. Its ok to be selfish at times. Often we forget to make sure our own cup is filled as we’re always giving to others. Take the time to enjoy those things that are meaningful to you. 4. Avoid negative people who take away your energy and spend more time with those who energize us. 5. Don’t feel guilty when you say no. Having a boundary around something isn’t a rejection; it’s about taking care of you. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care, its just you need to take care of yourself. 6. Be the person you want to be. Who is that? The more you become your authentic self, the more you’ll attract the people you want to spend more time with. If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au. Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment with one of our Clinicians today.  I see a lot of couples within our practice for relationship counseling. Even if someone comes in for individual counseling, a lot of they’re challenges can often stem from within the relationship. To often I see couples when they’re in distress over the relationship and they don’t feel like they’re getting what they want from it. The usual presentation is often one of hurt, feeling misunderstood, high levels of blame and resentment.
It’s at this point that we stop giving, and start taking. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t intentional (or not usually), though most couples are just crying out for love and attention from their significant other and just not feeling it. It’s at this stage that its important to remind ourselves which Dimension of the relationship we want to be in. Dimension 1 This is where your focus is what you are getting from the relationship. Your main focus is on getting your needs met and also what you’re not getting. It’s all about you! If you are on the receiving end of this type of relationship, then you may often feel alone and that you have to sacrifice your own desires and needs in order for the relationship to exist peacefully. Dimension 2 This type of relationship is all about equality. You are both focusing on meeting your own needs as well as the needs of your partner. Though if your partner can’t meet their own needs, then to bad! This is like horse-trading…if you do this for me, then I’ll do this for you. This all might sound great…an egalitarian relationship, though the partnership may be fantastic, it can be devastating for the polarity within the relationship. Dimension 3 In a 3 dimensional relationship, you take total responsibly for how the other person feels. You believe that “your needs are my needs”. And you don’t stop until the needs of your partners are meet. This isn’t a level of which “you do your part and I’ll do mine”, its one of “I am here to take you to another level and I live to light you up and I will”. It’s in this state that the passion, the energy and the joy all come naturally. Stop asking, “What am I not getting?, but “What am I giving” and watch your relationship become truly extraordinary. If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au. Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or click here to request an appointment to start enhancing your relationship today.  How do I know that I'm stressed?We see so many clients a week which are experiencing high levels of stress within their daily lives. With so many different causes, it can often feel like we are bombarded on a daily basis. Not all stress is negative, though often we have reached our tipping point and feel like life is struggle. Here are some questions we are often asked about stress.
How do I know if I’m stressed? There are a number of different symptoms to experiencing stress, though these are the more common ones are:
How is stress different from anxiety? This is a great question and there is a difference between stress and anxiety. Stress is caused by existing stressors or triggers within our daily lives. They can make us feel pressured and pushed which may result in a number of negative effects. One of these negative effects is anxiety. Anxiety is stress that continues even after the stressor has gone. It is a feeling of apprehension or fear that creates a level of distress in the body. Is it also accompanied by further symptoms such as chest pain, dizziness and breathing difficulty. So what do I do if I’m stressed? This may be different for each individual, though there are a number of ways that we can start reducing our stress levels. We need to start taking care of our body and make sure that we’re eating healthy and also getting plenty of sleep. This helps build up our body’s ability to cope with stress. Exercise is also a great way to alleviate or reduce the stress within the body. Start with something simple, like a gentle 20 min walk, especially if you don’t regularly exercise and see how you feel at the end of it. Make time for you. Yes this means you have to stop and make time to unwind and relax…this doesn’t have to be for hours, though create some time just for you. If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au. Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or click here to request an appointment to start addressing your stress today. They say “If nothing changes, then nothing changes”. So true. If you want to make those changes, then something has to change for it to occur. So what are you waiting for in order to make those changes? Your partner, your employer, your kids? Well if you hadn’t already guessed, it’s not up to them. It’s up to YOU!!
This isn’t a conversation that always goes down well, “If you want change, then you need to be 100% responsible for your experiences in your life.” There isn’t much that we can control, though what we can control is our emotions, our decisions, our behaviors, the quality of your relationships, your physical fitness…everything. We have been conditioned to blame all of that outside of ourselves, particularly the parts that we don’t like. This could be our parents, the weather, our lack of something…anything but ourselves. Though the answer always points back to ourselves. If we can’t see ourselves as part of the problem we can’t see ourselves as part of the solution. If you’re not getting the results you’re after then you need to change what you’re putting in. So if you want change, what is it that you need to do to make that happen? I’m not saying that everything is now going to just show up the way that you want and life’s going to be just dandy. Though when we start taking that responsibility for our own outcomes, we become active participants in our own lives. So how are you going to start the New Year now? What conscious decisions do you have to start making to feel like you are living life more on your terms? What do you need to put in to make sure you get what you want out of life? This might not have been you’re typical “Christmas” infused blog, though it is definitely food for thought. Have a Happy Holiday and a great New Year from all of us at Body Mind Soul Clinic. Yes here we are again with the silly season already underway, this is also a great time to be celebrating and appreciating all the good things in our lives today. This time of year might be a great reminder, though what would life be like if you had that level of appreciation all year round?
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” – Oprah Winfrey. What if by appreciating more, you attract more in to be grateful for? Where our focus goes our energy flows, so the more we cultivate this sense of gratitude, we not only increase our own sense of joy and contentment, we naturally attract more that we are grateful for in the process, regardless of what we do or don’t have. We are conditioned to focus more on what we don’t have, though by practicing gratitude daily, we can rewire our brain to experience and see more of what we do have. Here are some simple ways to start cultivating an attitude for gratitude these holidays:
Have a safe and joyful Christmas. |
Michelle Saluja
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