Forgiveness is the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. Though its not always easy to forgive someone and very possibly harder to forgive ourselves.  It’s all well and good for someone to say, Well you need to forgive them or just let go and move on.  Forgiveness doesn’t always feel easy. 
 
Though there are many benefits to forgiveness and it has been associated with reducing and lowering stress and depression within the body.  It has been connected to increased levels of life satisfaction and also increased feelings of wellbeing.  One study has also found that trait forgiveness is linked to experiencing better relationships with others. 
 
A few years ago, I came across a Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness call Ho’oponopono.  The word when translated into English means correction. Yet in the Hawaiian dictionary it is defined as: (a) to put right, correct, adjust, amend, rectify, tidy up, edit, to make ready; and (b) mental cleansing.  Ho’oponopono is a profound gift which allows us to expand our relationship with ourselves and others asking that our errors in though, deed, word and behavior be cleansed.
 
Ho’oponopono is centered around four key phrases.  Phrases which are often the hardest to say.  It takes us into a place of ownership and allows us to open up our hearts for healing to take place. The four phrases are:
 
Step 1: I’m Sorry (repentance).
Saying sorry is never easy and can often be associated with pain. You can just say, I’m sorry, or you can be more specific and state what you’re sorry before you state the above phrase.
 
Step 2: Please forgive me (Ask forgiveness)
 
Step 3: Thank you (gratitude)
Thank who ever it is you need forgiveness from  - yourself, someone else, your body, the Universe, God.
 
Step 4: I love you (love)
Again say it to which you are forgiving – yourself, your body, God, your challenges.
 
The four phrases can be said in any order and the beauty of it is its simplicity.  It creates a meditative effect with a mindfulness approach allowing us to remove our ego and to move into our heart.

If you'd like to talk more to one of our therapists, then feel free to contact our office on 5519 3338 to make an appointment.

​Body Mind Soul Clinic - Life by Design
 

Sometimes our relationships with our loved ones seem like a rocky road.  We are all going to have our ups and downs.  In order to keep our relationship on the right path, we need to make sure we are putting deposits into our relationship bank account on a daily basis. 
 
Now Relationship Banking is a similar concept to regular banking.  When we put money into our bank account, the numbers go up. And when we make a withdrawal, the numbers go down.  So in terms of our relationship, deposits are when we are attentive, we turn towards our partner, we appreciate and nurture them.  A withdrawal is the negative comments, the conflict, a lack of appreciation and empathy towards our partner.
 
The Gottman’s research into this found that couples where happier in the long term when they turned towards their partner more consistently then those that didn’t.  When couples turn towards each other, they are putting those deposits into the relationship bank account.
 
Every time we turn towards our partner, it lets them know that we’re interested, that we care, that we’re hearing them and that we’d like to help.  This starts increasing our relationship bank account we have with that person.
 
Here are a few ways to increase your Relationship bank account with your partner.

1. Leave the criticism behind.  No one likes to be criticized particularly when it’s from someone whom we thought had our back. Look for the positives of the person in front of you and build on them.
2. Learn to appreciate your loved one's even more.  Create an attitude of appreciation towards each other and make sure they know.
3. Lead with empathy and understanding.  All of us want to feel heard and understood though reflect back to our partner their feelings helps to assist in creating stronger emotional connections, e.g. “I can see you seem frustrated at what happened at work today.”
4. Practice turning towards our partner when they are emotionally trying to connect.

 
No relationship is without its challenges, though when we start consciously working on increasing the positive feeling and connection we have in the relationship, then we’re building a healthy bank account within ourselves and our partner.
 
If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au.
 
Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment to start enhancing your relationship today.

I see a lot of couples within our practice for relationship counseling.  Even if someone comes in for individual counseling, a lot of they’re challenges can often stem from within the relationship. To often I see couples when they’re in distress over the relationship and they don’t feel like they’re getting what they want from it.  The usual presentation is often one of hurt, feeling misunderstood, high levels of blame and resentment. 
 
It’s at this point that we stop giving, and start taking.  Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t intentional (or not usually), though most couples are just crying out for love and attention from their significant other and just not feeling it.  It’s at this stage that its important to remind ourselves which Dimension of the relationship we want to be in.
 
Dimension 1
This is where your focus is what you are getting from the relationship.  Your main focus is on getting your needs met and also what you’re not getting.  It’s all about you!
 
If you are on the receiving end of this type of relationship, then you may often feel alone and that you have to sacrifice your own desires and needs in order for the relationship to exist peacefully. 
 
Dimension 2
This type of relationship is all about equality. You are both focusing on meeting your own needs as well as the needs of your partner.  Though if your partner can’t meet their own needs, then to bad!  This is like horse-trading…if you do this for me, then I’ll do this for you.  This all might sound great…an egalitarian relationship, though the partnership may be fantastic, it can be devastating for the polarity within the relationship.
 
Dimension 3
In a 3 dimensional relationship, you take total responsibly for how the other person feels.  You believe that “your needs are my needs”.   And you don’t stop until the needs of your partners are meet.  This isn’t a level of which “you do your part and I’ll do mine”, its one of “I am here to take you to another level and I live to light you up and I will”.  It’s in this state that the passion, the energy and the joy all come naturally.
 
Stop asking, “What am I not getting?, but “What am I giving” and watch your relationship become truly extraordinary.
 
If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au.
 
Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or click here to request an appointment to start enhancing your relationship today.