hOne of the hardest things we find to do, is to love ourselves.  It’s so much easier to just hate on ourselves, criticise ourselves or blame ourselves for all that life dishes out. Though were does that leave you?  Usually feeling like crap and believing in less that what we truly are.

So what is self-love? This is when we have and show respect for our own wellbeing and also our own happiness. Now this term “self-love” maybe a term that gets thrown around a lot these days, though the importance of loving ourselves helps the overall impact and quality on our life, and isn’t improving that something we all want?  If you’re struggling to get around the term self-love, may be use different words, such as being kinder, nurturing, and softer towards ourselves might help assist you in becoming more self-loving.

Like all behaviours, it takes time and practice in order for the behaviour to feel more automatic or even normal to us. Now this isn’t something that we can just go and buy at the shops, it’s a state of mind…towards ourselves. Self-love grows from appreciating ourselves in all that we do.  Its understanding that we are human, and humans make mistakes and treating ourselves more gently in the process. It''s acknowledging that we also deserve to be happy and we then start to take actions to support this.

So what can we do to start loving ourselves more?

1.Be more mindful. People who show more self-love often are more aware of their own inner thoughts, feelings, needs and desires. They are more likely to act on this knowledge than that of others. (See Show me the Monkey Blog for more information).
2.Boundaries. Boundaries are like a fence, you need to be mindful of what you allow through the gate.  Learn to say no or set limits so that you are more consistently protecting yourself. (See our blog on Boundaries for more information).
3.Learn to ditch the inner critic. Our internal dialogue has a lot to answer for and can often be the cause and fuel for more negative self-talk.  Start consciously talking to yourself in a gentler and more positive way.
4.Forgive yourself. We are so hard on ourselves and can often punish ourselves far to harshly for mistakes we make in life.  None of us are perfect and failure just provides feedback, accept yourself and your humanness more often.
5.Create rituals that grow self-love. Rituals are a great way of making sure we are adding situations or scenarios into our day that encourage self-love.  Turn the TV of for 15 mins or take a break from social media.  Weekly or monthly massages, or we can just pamper ourselves in some way.
6.Stop the comparisons. What often happens when we compare ourselves to others? We are the ones that often come up feeling worse for wear.  This can be detrimental to our self-esteem.  Practice taking a less comparative approach to others. If we are all reading the big book of life, know that some people are at different chapters to you.

Self-love might not always be an easy step, though it’s a step in the right direction towards caring for you in a healthier and more sustainable way.  Take time each day to stop and see how you can be kinder, more nurturing and more loving towards you.
 
 
If you would like to know more, then either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au.
 
Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment. 

Forgiveness is the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. Though its not always easy to forgive someone and very possibly harder to forgive ourselves.  It’s all well and good for someone to say, Well you need to forgive them or just let go and move on.  Forgiveness doesn’t always feel easy. 
 
Though there are many benefits to forgiveness and it has been associated with reducing and lowering stress and depression within the body.  It has been connected to increased levels of life satisfaction and also increased feelings of wellbeing.  One study has also found that trait forgiveness is linked to experiencing better relationships with others. 
 
A few years ago, I came across a Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness call Ho’oponopono.  The word when translated into English means correction. Yet in the Hawaiian dictionary it is defined as: (a) to put right, correct, adjust, amend, rectify, tidy up, edit, to make ready; and (b) mental cleansing.  Ho’oponopono is a profound gift which allows us to expand our relationship with ourselves and others asking that our errors in though, deed, word and behavior be cleansed.
 
Ho’oponopono is centered around four key phrases.  Phrases which are often the hardest to say.  It takes us into a place of ownership and allows us to open up our hearts for healing to take place. The four phrases are:
 
Step 1: I’m Sorry (repentance).
Saying sorry is never easy and can often be associated with pain. You can just say, I’m sorry, or you can be more specific and state what you’re sorry before you state the above phrase.
 
Step 2: Please forgive me (Ask forgiveness)
 
Step 3: Thank you (gratitude)
Thank who ever it is you need forgiveness from  - yourself, someone else, your body, the Universe, God.
 
Step 4: I love you (love)
Again say it to which you are forgiving – yourself, your body, God, your challenges.
 
The four phrases can be said in any order and the beauty of it is its simplicity.  It creates a meditative effect with a mindfulness approach allowing us to remove our ego and to move into our heart.

If you'd like to talk more to one of our therapists, then feel free to contact our office on 5519 3338 to make an appointment.

​Body Mind Soul Clinic - Life by Design
 

​We all have beliefs. Whether it be about the world around us (we call these Global Beliefs) or about ourselves (called Identity Beliefs). So what is a belief? A belief is a feeling of certainty about what something means to us.  A belief is a force that controls all your decisions. It influences how you think and feel every moment of every day you’re alive.  It determines what you will do and what you won’t do. It determines how you feel about anything that occurs in your life.
 
Beliefs have the power to control what you see and feel in the world around you.
 
What you believe in is a choice.
 
So how do beliefs develop? Your beliefs are developed by events that have happened in the past. Also by seeing what happens to other people or to our parents and by social influence.
 
Your beliefs have a direct impact on the way you think and behave.
 
There are two major belief systems that create meaning for your life. 
 
1. Global Beliefs
These are assumptions or generalizations about the world around you.  Example, “All men/women are bad”, “Life is hard!”
 
2. Identity
This is what you believe about yourself and about whom you are as a person.  Example, “I’m a strong person.” “I’m not smart enough”.
 
Let’s focus on our identity for a minute. So what exactly is an identity belief? It is simply the beliefs that we use to define our own individuality. It’s what makes us unique—good, bad, or indifferent—from other individuals. It also gives us a sense of certainty about who we are, which creates the boundaries and limits within which we live our life.
 
HOW IS OUR IDENTITY FORMED?
 
 
You might ask, "Isn't my identity limited by my experience?" No, it's limited by your interpretation of your experience. Your identity is nothing but the decisions you've made about who you are and who you want to be. You become the labels you've given yourself. The way you define your identity defines your life.
 
So this all being true, the great news is that our beliefs can change.  They will grow and evolve over the course of our lifetime, dependant on which way it takes us.  Though in all of this, we still ultimately get to choose of what we believe in. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like a choice, though I’m here to implore you…make the choices of what you believe in purposeful, empowering and uplifting.  You do have a choice, it’s just making the right belief choices for you.
 
To help us expand our identity beliefs, we have designed our 10-Day Challenge to push out the boundaries of what you believe.  If you would love to hear more on how to undertake the challenge, click here to see a short video of Michelle explaining how it all works.
 
If you would like to know more, then either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au.
 
Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment to start addressing your stress today. 

​Life doesn’t always show up how we would like it to and sometimes it can be difficult to find our way through the tough times.  Though the one thing that can make a difference is developing some resilience.
 
So what is resilience? Well a lack of resilience is when we are struggling to overcome our challenges and we feel like we can’t get back into that more helpful or optimistic mindset. So resilience is feeling like we are able to bounce back even stronger, particularly when life knocks you down.  Through our resilience, we are able to find our ability to adapt better to adversity.
 
Imagine your level of resilience like a tree trunk, the wider the tree trunk the greater the resilience and the smaller the tree trunk then the less we have.
 
Just because we may be more resilient to challenges or tragedy, doesn’t mean that we don’t experience emotional distress or pain. In fact our journey to resilience may actually include emotional distress.
 
There are a number of contributing factors that helps build resilience such as:

• Our ability to make realistic plans and steps
• Having a more positive view of yourself and knowing your strengths
• Being able to problem solve
• Managing strong feelings and urges

 
We all develop resilience that works for us and such our path to this is very different. Though there are a number of similar approaches that we can all take to building this up.
 

• Create good relationships with family, friends and others. 
• Flip your thinking to state your problem in a more helpful way.  This opens up the mind to more positive possibilities.
• Change is a part of our lives and accepting circumstances that you can’t change.
• Having goals to move towards and accomplishing them (even if they are small) creates a sense of accomplishment.
• Act rather than react to situations.
• Keep growing as a person and walk the path of self-discovery.
• See yourself in a positive light.  This helps develop confidence and self trust in our selves.
• Keep things in perspective. Don’t see things bigger than what they are or even smaller than what they are…be realistic.
• Be optimistic towards ourselves and our future.
• Look after you. Self nurture and love yourself.

 
If we can take these simple steps to creating resilience and personalize them for ourselves, the stronger and more flexible we come in facing life’s challenges.
 
If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au.
 
Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment with one of our Clinicians today.
 

We all want to have a more positive outlook, though often if feels like it is hard to cultivate.  In many ways our brain is already wired up for negativity, which makes it harder to constantly feel positive.  The great thing with our brain is that negativity has kept us alive as humans for many, many generations.  Though this day and age, generally we don’t need to be as negative towards our environment and our world is a lot safer then our cave man days. 
 
Though there are some ways that we can start creating a more positive filter, yet like many new behaviours, it still takes practice.  Start creating positive habits to nurture the mindset you’re after. Remember, neurons that fire together wire together.  Here are some strategies listed below that can help you on the way to a more positive and helpful way of thinking.
 
1.  Being thankful for all that you have and practice gratitude daily.

2.  Cultivate Optimism – there is always a silver lining. 

3. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are unique and as soon as we compare ourselves to others, we often find ourselves inferior in that comparison.  This has negative impacts on your self-esteem.  

4.  Realising that most of your day is great and refocusing and noticing what that is. Imagine that your day is 100%.  80% of the day is usually great, 15% ok and 5% bad, though we often feel like the 5% is our 95%.  Positively filter throughout the day. 

5.  Giving selflessly – practice random acts of kindness of which there is no expectation of something return. 

6.  Forgiveness – be willing to let go of the hurts of the past. 

7.  Savour the joys in life. 

8.  Change your focus by flipping your thinking – if in doubt, turn it inside out. Make your unhelpful thoughts positive.  The event itself is neither inherently good nor bad though it’s our interpretation of it that makes it so. 
9.  White dog/Black dog – the white dog is the things that make you feel good and happy in your life (they give you energy), and the black dog is the negative things in your life (they take energy from you). Make sure you have more White Dogs in your world and keep the black dogs at a distance. 

10. Nurture social relationships and invest in social connections. 

11. Increase your flow experiences 

12. Commit to goals 
13. Take care of your body and soul – exercise, meditate, act happy 
​
If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au.
 
Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment with one of our Clinicians today.
 

So often I hear from so many clients, “Why me?”, “What’s wrong with me?”  These are common questions that I hear most days.  So why questions?  Well the brain does love answers, so when we ask yourself these things, it will give us an answer just to please us.  Though what if we could change our perception of our world by asking better quality questions?
 
What we focus on we feel.  Yes you may have heard me say this before, and you’ll probably hear me say it again.  Our brain is like a camera lens and where we point it creates the experiences we have.  Where that camera lens goes is what we focus on. The quality of our questions determines the quality of our lives. 
 
So if we ask a crappy question then we’ll probably get a crappy answer.  Though what if questions help us to change our focus?  To point our mind in a direction that can also help us see something better, more helpful and possibly even assist us in creating a more positive mind set.
 
So if questions are a way to direct our mind in more positive ways, then what questions should you be asking? Well that is a great question. Though before I get to that let me just share why using questions are a great way to change our inner world.  They’re great as they make you search…search for an answer.  We have to find something beyond what we would normally be thinking. So if that’s something negative, a power question can assist us in shifting a negative to a positive and also strengthen those positive mindset neural pathways. 
 
So here are some great questions to start asking yourself:

1. What am I happy about in my life right now? What about that makes me happy?
2. What am I most excited about in my life right now? What about that makes me feel excited?
3. What am I most proud about in my life now? What about that makes me proud?
4. What am I most grateful in my life now? What about that makes me grateful?
5. What am I committed to in my life right now? What about that makes me committed?
6. How do I love? How have I been loving today?
7. What have I given today? How have I been a giver today?
8. What did I learn today?
9. What was good about today?

 
Start practicing asking yourself better quality questions, especially when life isn’t showing up the best.  It’s a great way to start changing your mind set into something greater.
 
If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au.
 
Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment with one of our Clinicians today.

​Motivation can be defined a driving force that initiates and directs behaviour.  It is derived internally and can drive a person to do or achieve something, such as our goals or our desires.
Motivation becomes strong when you have a vision, a clear mental image of what you want to achieve. When we create a compelling vision of our future, we are more willing and determined to make that a reality.  What’s interesting about our brain, is that it doesn’t know the difference between what is true or not true, so the stronger and clearer the vision, the more our brain thinks its real, thus moves towards congruency and our motivation is increased. So motivation has the ability to excite you and push you forward, so that you take action, so that you’re able to make your vision a reality.
A Lack of Motivation
 
So I’m going to throw out the human card and we can all relate to the fact that there are times when we just aren’t motivated and there can be numerous reasons why.
 
So what is a lack of motivation!  If motivation has the ability to move us towards what we desire, than a lack of it suggests there is an absence of desire, interest and a driving force.
 
A lack of motivation can result in passive behaviour, blame, a sense of failure and a list of excuses as to why you shouldn’t and cannot do this or that.  I know I’ve been guilty of this in the past…its to dark, the weather isn’t right, I’m tired, I don’t have the time, what are people going to think…and the list goes on.


The challenge is that when we’re not achieving even our smallest goals due to a lack of motivation, we can often be hard on ourselves though we can easily become indifferent, unhappy and dissatisfied with life.
 
Let’s see if some of the Reasons for a lack of motivation resonate with you.

• A lack of faith in one’s abilities
• Fear of failure
• Low self-esteem
• Fear of what others might say
• Continual procrastination
• Laziness
• A lack of incentive

 
So the burning question is How to increase your motivation

1. Let’s start with something we would like to achieve and make it a goal. Just remember it doesn’t have to be huge…they can be very small and do-able goals.
2. What’s important now is to make you goal very clear.  Writing it down is a great way to help clarify what it is you truly are after and wanting to achieve.  Make sure you describe it in detail…what do you see, what do you hear and how do you feel when you’ve achieved your goal.
3. Focus on what it is that you want on a daily basis. Where focus goes, energy flows. 
4. Find inspiration within that goal. Are there other people out there who have achieved what you are wanting? 
5. Get excited.
6. Commit to it publicly or have an accountability buddy to keep you on track.
7. Use positive affirmations that affirm your goal and desire. What we say is what we start to believe and it is who we eventually become.
8. Do something small in relation to your goal on a daily basis. Small easy steps…
9. Make a visual representation of your goal that you can look at daily. Get your brain into gear and grab some pictures that inspire you and place them where you can see them.

 
 
 
Here are some great questions to ask yourself to get you started.
 
Is there an area in your life that you are already interested in that motivates you?
 
What are you focusing on when you think of that area?
 
What is the meaning that you’ve given it?  Does it empower of disempower your motivation?
 
What has prevented you in the past from staying motivated?
 
What are the benefits of being motivated?
 
How is life different when you experience motivation and enthusiasm?
 
 
Ultimately getting motivated is up to you. Take one step at a time and never underestimate your ability to make things happen.
 
If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au.
 
Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment to start creating the life you desire today.

Sometimes our relationships with our loved ones seem like a rocky road.  We are all going to have our ups and downs.  In order to keep our relationship on the right path, we need to make sure we are putting deposits into our relationship bank account on a daily basis. 
 
Now Relationship Banking is a similar concept to regular banking.  When we put money into our bank account, the numbers go up. And when we make a withdrawal, the numbers go down.  So in terms of our relationship, deposits are when we are attentive, we turn towards our partner, we appreciate and nurture them.  A withdrawal is the negative comments, the conflict, a lack of appreciation and empathy towards our partner.
 
The Gottman’s research into this found that couples where happier in the long term when they turned towards their partner more consistently then those that didn’t.  When couples turn towards each other, they are putting those deposits into the relationship bank account.
 
Every time we turn towards our partner, it lets them know that we’re interested, that we care, that we’re hearing them and that we’d like to help.  This starts increasing our relationship bank account we have with that person.
 
Here are a few ways to increase your Relationship bank account with your partner.

1. Leave the criticism behind.  No one likes to be criticized particularly when it’s from someone whom we thought had our back. Look for the positives of the person in front of you and build on them.
2. Learn to appreciate your loved one's even more.  Create an attitude of appreciation towards each other and make sure they know.
3. Lead with empathy and understanding.  All of us want to feel heard and understood though reflect back to our partner their feelings helps to assist in creating stronger emotional connections, e.g. “I can see you seem frustrated at what happened at work today.”
4. Practice turning towards our partner when they are emotionally trying to connect.

 
No relationship is without its challenges, though when we start consciously working on increasing the positive feeling and connection we have in the relationship, then we’re building a healthy bank account within ourselves and our partner.
 
If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au.
 
Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment to start enhancing your relationship today.

Q: What is over thinking?
 
A: Over thinking is when we think about something to much and for too long.
 
Q: Why do we over think?
 
A: The thing is, we all do this.  Over thinking is a way our brain likes to make sense of what’s happening in our world at that particular time.  It’s a way to problem solve or analyze a situation.  Often we end up thinking over every minute detail, which can involve worrying, personalizing or mindreading a situation in our past or our future.
 
Q: Is over thinking good for us?
 
A: If we’re ruminating on a situation to learn or to help us grow then no it’s not a problem.  The problem comes with spending long periods of time being pre-occupied with our thoughts.  Usually they’re negative and aren’t very helpful.  The more we ruminate, the more it can have negative impacts on our mental health.  Think of the brain this way, “Neurons that fire together, wire together”.  So the more we think about something, particularly negative, the more we’re creating stronger connections in the brain, thus its easier to access.
 
Q: So how do I stop over thinking?
 
A: This is a great question as it’s easier said than done, though we can rewire our brain so that we create stronger positive pathways.

1. The first step to any change is having awareness of what we’re doing.  Start noticing when the ruminating is starting to take over. 
2. Practicing Mindfulness is a great way to start managing some of the unhelpful thoughts that tend to surface.  Mindfulness can help us become much more present, thus becoming more aware of our thoughts and quiet the mind.
3. Change your focus because what you focus on you feel.  Often we’re telling ourselves that we don’t want to be experiencing or thinking these thoughts, though our brain doesn’t do negatives very well. So the more we say we don’t want to think these thoughts, the more we do.  So distract your mind with positive activities, such as adult colouring in, Mindfulness, exercise, or call a friend.
4. Challenge our thoughts.  Many of our thoughts are just assumptions…a thought with little evidence. So we need to challenge the truth of what we are thinking and learn to replace our thoughts with more positive or helpful thoughts.

 
Over thinking can happen to us all and none of us are immune to it…it’s what makes us human.  Though we can learn to manage our mind to it works for us, not against us.
 
If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au.
 
Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment with one of our Clinicians today.

What makes a relationship work is having things in common. This is great for when we want to feel emotionally connected.  What makes a relationship passionate is having differences.  Polarity within relationships helps to create an attraction between two couples.  So the more opposed the energies are between two people (masculine vs. feminine energy), the stronger the attraction is within the relationship. 
 
When two people have a similar polarity, such as both are more masculine, then the attraction between the two people is reduced. Yet the attraction is maximized when one is very feminine and other very masculine. Polarity is what keeps the passion of the relationship alive and helps to increase attraction and intimacy.
 
These energies are not based on gender as any person may identify with being more masculine or feminine.  Yet this energy is something we need to cultivate for ourselves.

            Masculine                                                                                                           Feminine

Physical Characteristics and Energy

Strong physical presence,                                                                Open, free, flowing, full of life energy
centeredness, rigidity, and a feeling of                                           sometimes more nurturing, sometimes
unwavering purpose and strength                                                  more wild and free

Primary Driving Force

Masculine essence is primarily driven                                            Feminine essence is moved primarily
by direction in life, or by a life mission.                                          by emotions in an intimate relationship
                                                                                                             The Feminine force is about opening to
​                                                                                                              love and giving love.

Focus

Focused on one mode only at a time                                              Flow: Interruption does not exist
and the single task at hand.                                                              because you are in a constant state of
                                                                                                             flow.
Looking for trouble: Sees a problem                                               Looking for love: Ultimate way to 
and wants to fix it (even when there                                              magnify radiance and beauty.
​isn't one).

Goals

Masculine energy seeks release from                                             Feminine energy is based on attraction
the burdens of life and relationship,                                                and enchantment, drawing others in
from the constraints of life.                                                              through opening of the heart to beauty
                                                                                                              and love.
The masculine strives to break free to                                            The feminine wants to fill up with love
ultimate ecstasy and freedom. They                                               energy and attention.  The feminie
wants to be empty and let go.                                                         force is about opening to love and
​                                                                                                              giving love.

Desires

Responds to challenges, comes alive at                                         Desires to be noticed and feel 
the edge, and when challenged.                                                     attractive.
Loves competition to test themselves                                            Lives in a world of sensation, the body
and break through barriers.                                                             connection to the flow of elements 
                                                                                                             and the natural forces.
Wants to possess.                                                                             Addicted to ways of filling her sensse 
                                                                                                             of emptiness.
Addicted to emptying himself and                            
releasing himself into the void.
​Wants to feel appreciated.                                                              Wants to feel understood.

Challeges

Finds it easy to let go and leave.                                                     Hangs onto everything.
Often leaves to soon.                                                                       Often stays too long.
Speaks words vs emotion.                                                              Hears primarily mood and tone. 

​©Robbins Research International, Inc

​If polarity isn’t there, then depolarization occurs.  So finding ways to step further and embracing our masculine or feminine energy can have huge impacts on the intimacy of our relationship. 
 
If you would like to know more, than either visit us at www.bodymindsoulclinic.com.au.
 
Or you can call us on 5519 3338 or request an appointment to start enhancing your relationship today.